without feelings

Is being a robot without deeper feelings is better? Surviving each day without feeling worry, sadness, anxious, content, love, or being loved, deeper desire, needs, affections..nothing.

you'd feel happy, and angry or upset...but nothing in between.  Is it better than needing someone, crying every night from the hurt they inflicted, thinking about million things that could happen, that did happen and shouldn't've happened?  Questioning everything...questioning every words, every actions...Wondering why it happened, why things changed...and the worse thing is, they didnt even realized it...that person just don't see how much they're hurting you..when you tried to tell them, they belittled, they get offended, they lashed out, they think that you're blaming them, they think that you're purposely looking for way to make them feel guilty...disbelief, saying  ''...how could you....how could you..''

Sitting here watching their situation dictate everything, sitting here saying 'ok..I understand'  cos what else can you do? stop them? when they said 'I can't take this anymore!'..what can you say to that.  The person can't be around you..should you stop them? begged them to endure it? to tolerate it? and just stay?...of course not, you have pride, you have dignity. why beg? its not as if you're a cheap trash, its not as if you don't have any value...you know you do, experience told you that, ppl told you that, their concern and their admiration told you that, their willingness told you that.

and yet.....and yet.....you sacrifice yourself..in hopes that people would treat you the same way you treated them...Fully believing the saying ' Treat Others As You Want Yourself To Be Treated'...giving all you got, within your ability..sometimes going beyond what you should or need to do...all the nice things in the world...giving all to them, putting them before yourself...and still they want more...still they expect more.  You dont want 'thanks'..you dont want 'appreciation' ..you dont want 'gratitude'...you just want to be treated the same way...with at least a consideration, and tolerance and kindess and respect.

And so...you cry and cry..until you're amazed that you still have tears to cry...and cry even without realizing it...and then the tears dried up..not because it stopped...because you couldnt cry anymore...

And you decide...its not worth feeling anymore...you have a life to live...and so you put away everything, to keep your sanity......with years of practice, with years of abuse and hurt and loneliness and being manipulated...you've become good at it.  It's your survival instinct along with your excellent sense of humor, its what kept you normal...

So you forget your feelings.....you're happier..superficial at least..heart is clearer..but empty.

CONCLUSION: There is no conclusion