Rique will turn 5 in less than a month!! I can't believe that he's already FIVE!!!
Feels like its only a short while ago he was trying to walk, and then to speak...now he's FIVE!
One important thing that I noticed though, he has become very close and very fond of me. In which I am very happy with, because it wasn't like that in his early years. But nowadays, he chooses me over his grandma, aunt and father most of the time now. He even refused to share things, like toys, or food with others..telling them that he will only shares with me, his friend. Of course I will tell him that he shouldn't do that and its not a nice thing to do, but yes, secretly I am pleased.
Its an uphill battle, to be the 'bad person' that says 'no' to him frequently and enforces disciplines and firm rules...when he has 4-5 ppl around him that kowtowed and just gives in to his every demand. People who lets him talk disrespectfully and being rude and insulting. And not only that, they acted as if its the cutest thing they've ever heard from him and proceed to pat him or hug him or laugh or tell ppl in an annoyingly 'oh-what-am-I-to-do-with-him-but-isn't-he-precious-though?' proud manner, on how he talks back and didn't listen. They gave in to whatever he wanted and basically just let him do whatever he wants.
Its hard to discipline a child when the adoring 'adults' around him made it seems like every mistake is a small, non-important matter. They like to undermine me, and most time right while I was scolding him. For example, I will tell him that he will not get such-and-such before dinner.....and they proceed to give it to him anyway. Right in front of me and telling him that its OK to have it. As I was telling him as to why he shouldn't have it.
Its difficult to teach my son values and lessons on good manners, when these 'adults' laughed and mocked at his crying, or make faces behind my back at him when I was scolding, when I tried to lecture him on his mistakes or mischief. Of course he's going to laugh..and how can I be angry at him for laughing when the 'adults' thats acting so immature and was making faces and laughing at him? I put a quote mark '..' because these ppl act so childishly and without responsibility to my son's well being. Actually, I think they're happy in their role, because they don't have to be hated, they don't have to deal with rejection and bad feelings from my son..they let me, become a 'bad person' in my son's eyes.
I had endured the dislike and rejection from early on. Back then, my son didn't even want me to carry or hug him, unless there's absolutely no one around. He avoids me and he always told me that he didn't like me and that he prefers someone else..at one time even firmly pushing me out of the room, because he didn't want me in there with them...at times it was when I was laying next to him and one of his adoring adult came in, he would push my shoulder and said 'you go out now, I don't want you here'. And of course the 'adult' laughed and thinks its funny. Or maybe she's just happy that my son chose her over me.
Only God will know the feelings, to stand there and then to turn to walk away. I wouldn't wished it on my enemy.
But.. I had made up my mind early on..that I rather that he hates me now, than to have him grow up a mannerless, spoiled person who don't know how to function in society. I would gladly give up being his favorite person or even his friends, if it means that he will know the rights from wrongs and to be a decent human being. I would gladly have him think that I am a bad person for denying him his fun or toys.
And now, I am so thankful that all my efforts were not wasted. He even prefers me to help him do his homework, even if I often times very strict with him. He calls me his friends..which is a very good thing to hear coming from your kids :).
The bonus is, friends and family often remark that Rique is a very well mannered child for his age, polite and listens well to adults...Its one of the greatest feeling to have been told that. So far, I've done my role well.
I'm a proud mama. And I am extremely proud of my son.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Feelings (emo alert! )
Feelings...
Rushing through my head, my body, my being
Suffocates, pressing, burning
Pushing me hard, sneering
Stamping on my thoughts,
Scornful of my conviction, derisive on my certainty
Mocking, playing on my sincerity
Feelings...
Flowing, conflicting, changing
Closing my eyes, seeking
Reaching deep, remembering
Tentatively, hesitantly questing
Opening my mind, smiling, discovering
Feelings...
Of Senses, Enveloping
Of Fear, Vanishing
Of Sanity, Returning
Of Trust, Accepting
Of Love, Knowing
Rushing through my head, my body, my being
Suffocates, pressing, burning
Pushing me hard, sneering
Stamping on my thoughts,
Scornful of my conviction, derisive on my certainty
Mocking, playing on my sincerity
Feelings...
Flowing, conflicting, changing
Closing my eyes, seeking
Reaching deep, remembering
Tentatively, hesitantly questing
Opening my mind, smiling, discovering
Feelings...
Of Senses, Enveloping
Of Fear, Vanishing
Of Sanity, Returning
Of Trust, Accepting
Of Love, Knowing
Conclusion : Just one of those days
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
PMS: The period of time where we try to change career to a serial killer
I am anxious!
I am moody!
I am nervous!
I am going crazy!
Why? Why? Why?
I am looking for answer just for justification
I am looking for reply just for clarification
I am looking for response just for vindication
But what am I asking?
Its frustrating!
Its annoying!
Is it me? Is it me?
Would it help to scream? Would it??
Would it help to shout?
Or I should just beat it?
Should I do that?
Will that be good or bad?
Tell me!
I am sighing, but I want to shout
I am patient, but I want to assert
I am rationalizing, but I want to get absurd
I am gritting my teeth, but I want curse out
I am calm, but I want to disturb
Ahh..just shoot me dead!
Conclusion : stay away, your breathing annoys the hell out of me
I am moody!
I am nervous!
I am going crazy!
Why? Why? Why?
I am looking for answer just for justification
I am looking for reply just for clarification
I am looking for response just for vindication
But what am I asking?
Its frustrating!
Its annoying!
Is it me? Is it me?
Would it help to scream? Would it??
Would it help to shout?
Or I should just beat it?
Should I do that?
Will that be good or bad?
Tell me!
I am sighing, but I want to shout
I am patient, but I want to assert
I am rationalizing, but I want to get absurd
I am gritting my teeth, but I want curse out
I am calm, but I want to disturb
Ahh..just shoot me dead!
Conclusion : stay away, your breathing annoys the hell out of me
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
THE ZODIAC
I found this cool blog that explained in details about Zodiac facts. And the blog is called, well, Zodiacfacts lol.
here's the link > http://zodiacfacts.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2011-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&updated-max=2012-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&max-results=50
I have always used zodiac signs to understand people better. Some people mistook them for Horoscope and so, called it mambo jumbo......sigh...they are different, honey.
Horoscope is the daily readings, the predictions of whats gonna happen in your life today or what you're gonna eat tonight or if your friend will be calling you and asking to borrow some money, in which case...run Forest..ruun!! (see? Horoscope is very useful in that sense...now all you have to do is turn off your handphone and tell your bank to freeze your account for a day, Thank you Daily HoroscopeTM! )
Anyway, a Zodiac sign is a description of your characteristic and personality, based on the month you're born...so knowing whether someone, your friend, is a responsible person, good with money, honest and trustworthy, can make all the difference in the way you think about them or treat them.....or whether to lend them money.
And also its very useful to know what your child's zodiac is...so that you would know how to handle them better. Whether you should talk to them softly or a firmer discipline is needed in time of crisis...or maybe find out something about your hubby or wifey.....maybe all the flower and chocolate you gave her was not the right choice, try....a book or a handbag (for most Capricorn), and you'd probably get more loving than usual tonight *winkwink*nudgenudge*..........just saying :D
ahem. anyhoooo
That being said, its not a full personality reading either..you have to consider whether you're born at the cusp (in between two zodiac), what year you're born in (you should use the chinese astrology signs for that) and also your moon and sun reading But yeah, the zodiac gives you a general idea of someone's character. Try it.
CONCLUSION : people should read more about this, ya know
here's the link > http://zodiacfacts.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2011-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&updated-max=2012-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&max-results=50
I have always used zodiac signs to understand people better. Some people mistook them for Horoscope and so, called it mambo jumbo......sigh...they are different, honey.
Horoscope is the daily readings, the predictions of whats gonna happen in your life today or what you're gonna eat tonight or if your friend will be calling you and asking to borrow some money, in which case...run Forest..ruun!! (see? Horoscope is very useful in that sense...now all you have to do is turn off your handphone and tell your bank to freeze your account for a day, Thank you Daily HoroscopeTM! )
Anyway, a Zodiac sign is a description of your characteristic and personality, based on the month you're born...so knowing whether someone, your friend, is a responsible person, good with money, honest and trustworthy, can make all the difference in the way you think about them or treat them.....or whether to lend them money.
And also its very useful to know what your child's zodiac is...so that you would know how to handle them better. Whether you should talk to them softly or a firmer discipline is needed in time of crisis...or maybe find out something about your hubby or wifey.....maybe all the flower and chocolate you gave her was not the right choice, try....a book or a handbag (for most Capricorn), and you'd probably get more loving than usual tonight *winkwink*nudgenudge*..........just saying :D
ahem. anyhoooo
That being said, its not a full personality reading either..you have to consider whether you're born at the cusp (in between two zodiac), what year you're born in (you should use the chinese astrology signs for that) and also your moon and sun reading But yeah, the zodiac gives you a general idea of someone's character. Try it.
CONCLUSION : people should read more about this, ya know
A sensitive subject
AARRGGHH!
This is really frustrating. Having 3 different people with 3 different ideas and ways of raising a kid really is not good for my son's development. Yea, kids will be kids and they will run around in public places, talk loudly and do whatever they want. But that doesn't mean you should let them.
I believe there's time and places to do things. A time to run around and time to sit down and be quiet...and its really annoying that I would spent the time to instruct him on whats proper, getting him to understand what he needs to do and feel very pleased when he follows it.................and then they go and tell him the opposite, and I'd be back to square one!
This is really frustrating. Having 3 different people with 3 different ideas and ways of raising a kid really is not good for my son's development. Yea, kids will be kids and they will run around in public places, talk loudly and do whatever they want. But that doesn't mean you should let them.
I believe there's time and places to do things. A time to run around and time to sit down and be quiet...and its really annoying that I would spent the time to instruct him on whats proper, getting him to understand what he needs to do and feel very pleased when he follows it.................and then they go and tell him the opposite, and I'd be back to square one!
CONCLUSION: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I CALL
The fire is hot and fierce.
I am backed up against the wall.
All this heat is overwhelming.
"Come and love me!" I call.
The flames flick at my face,
But it misses and catches my hair.
I am then engulfed in the blaze.
No one is there to care.
The water is rising.
The tides coming in near.
"Come and love me!" I call.
I am tightly bound under the pier.
All my muscles go firm.
The water washes over my head.
I can’t breath so I suck in.
No one can see me because I am dead.
Now tangled in a sticky web,
I struggle but no one arrives.
"Come and love me!" I call.
I am afraid I may not survive.
The eight-legged creature,
Bites down deep in my flesh.
No one can hear me scream.
Sadly it soon results in my death.
I walk on the thin ice lake.
Under my weight it shatters.
"Come and love me!" I call.
My chin goes wild and chatters.
The snowflakes float over-head.
My heart beats from fast to slow.
No one is there to pull me out.
Frozen stiff with never ending water below.
I jump out of the plane.
Nothing but the sky and me.
"Come and love me!" I call.
I feel so wild and free.
Then my para-shoot jams.
Falling faster and the ground getting closer.
No one is there to help.
This is my final encounter.
I am a fragile rose with no water.
Soon my pedals will fall.
Will you be there to catch me?
"Come and love me!" I call.
No one is there to hear me.
No one is there to care.
You will catch me as a friend,
But nothing more is to bear.
CONCLUSION : Well! some people are just deaf, or maybe I should've used the phone instead
I am backed up against the wall.
All this heat is overwhelming.
"Come and love me!" I call.
The flames flick at my face,
But it misses and catches my hair.
I am then engulfed in the blaze.
No one is there to care.
The water is rising.
The tides coming in near.
"Come and love me!" I call.
I am tightly bound under the pier.
All my muscles go firm.
The water washes over my head.
I can’t breath so I suck in.
No one can see me because I am dead.
Now tangled in a sticky web,
I struggle but no one arrives.
"Come and love me!" I call.
I am afraid I may not survive.
The eight-legged creature,
Bites down deep in my flesh.
No one can hear me scream.
Sadly it soon results in my death.
I walk on the thin ice lake.
Under my weight it shatters.
"Come and love me!" I call.
My chin goes wild and chatters.
The snowflakes float over-head.
My heart beats from fast to slow.
No one is there to pull me out.
Frozen stiff with never ending water below.
I jump out of the plane.
Nothing but the sky and me.
"Come and love me!" I call.
I feel so wild and free.
Then my para-shoot jams.
Falling faster and the ground getting closer.
No one is there to help.
This is my final encounter.
I am a fragile rose with no water.
Soon my pedals will fall.
Will you be there to catch me?
"Come and love me!" I call.
No one is there to hear me.
No one is there to care.
You will catch me as a friend,
But nothing more is to bear.
CONCLUSION : Well! some people are just deaf, or maybe I should've used the phone instead
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
DURIAN!!
THE KING OF FRUIT!!
I've found this article here that explain much of what the fruit is :-
Reviled by some, worshiped by others, the one thing that remains certain about the durian amidst all the controversy is that it there's absolutely nothing else like it on the face of the earth.
I would like to quote a British naturalist named Alfred Russel Wallace who wrote in 1856 :
“The five cells are silky-white within, and are filled with a mass of firm, cream-coloured pulp, containing about three seeds each. This pulp is the edible part, and its consistence and flavour are indescribable.
A rich custard highly flayoured with almonds gives the best general idea of it, but there are occasional wafts of flavour that call to mind cream-cheese, onion-sauce, sherry-wine, and other incongruous dishes. Then there is a rich glutinous smoothness in the pulp which nothing else possesses, but which adds to its delicacy.
It is neither acid nor sweet nor juicy; yet it wants neither of these qualities, for it is in itself perfect. It produces no nausea or other bad effect, and the more you eat of it, the less you feel inclined to stop. In fat, to eat durians is a new sensation worth a voyage to the East to experience …as producing a food of the most exquisite flavour it is unsurpassed.”
Extracted from ‘On the Bamboo and Durian of Borneo’ by Alfred Russel Wallace (1856)
Please note that Anthony Bourdain said that while finishing a whole fruit of Durian and doesn't seems to be the least reviled by it, in fact he said that it tasted good, making pleasure sounds ...while extolling the bad qualities of the fruit...dunno if I should hate or love that guy for that scene alone lol...it was on his 'Cook Tours' TV show.
***********
Simply put, its a fruit with hard thorny exterior and the most glorious flesh inside. And I couldn't find any words to describe the superiority of this fruit, the addictive quality of 'once is never enough' and the life changing experience this fruit brings...I'll just copy it from somewhere else :P
''...The initial pungent, onion-like aroma was definitely present in the taste, and for a moment overshadowed everything. But then, the horde of sweeter and more layered flavours nestled in the soft durian flesh rushed to the front. Berries, caramel, banana, buttered popcorn and roasted nuts all swirled together in a custard-like texture, while the underlying bitterness still remained. What had to be the strangest aspect of the whole experience was how quickly my initial revulsion gave way to intrigue: my curiosity had been piqued and I needed to go back for more to explore specific flavours I’d missed on the first go ’round. I quickly realised how one could come to appreciate durian in the way one does wine or scotch, always trying different varieties and seeking out particular notes.
More than anything, I was instantly overcome with the strength and power of the flavour, rather than the specific taste itself. I’ve never eaten anything that was so unapologetically strong. Tasting durian’s a little like being mauled by a bear: the bear’s certainly not going to give you any account of what it did or why, and so it’s up to you, in your battered condition, to try to piece the story together.."
********************
Durian is also known for its 'heating' nature. If you ate it too much, it can cause your body to overheat, sweating, nose bleed, and sometimes dizziness.And also its not to be mixed with few other consumables, like beer or sodas..especially within 5 -10 hours of consuming Durian. It could cause death.. Alcoholic and ppl with heart disease or few other serious ailment should stay away from this food, it could be deadly.
Some argue due to the danger caused by eating Durian, and the limitation that one have to face while eating this fruit (most limit themselves to eat only about 5 seeds of Durian to be on the safe side) made it a very
sought after delicacy...you know how people like to do something that is forbidden or dangerous :D
*************
I've found this article here that explain much of what the fruit is :-
Reviled by some, worshiped by others, the one thing that remains certain about the durian amidst all the controversy is that it there's absolutely nothing else like it on the face of the earth.
I would like to quote a British naturalist named Alfred Russel Wallace who wrote in 1856 :
“The five cells are silky-white within, and are filled with a mass of firm, cream-coloured pulp, containing about three seeds each. This pulp is the edible part, and its consistence and flavour are indescribable.
A rich custard highly flayoured with almonds gives the best general idea of it, but there are occasional wafts of flavour that call to mind cream-cheese, onion-sauce, sherry-wine, and other incongruous dishes. Then there is a rich glutinous smoothness in the pulp which nothing else possesses, but which adds to its delicacy.
It is neither acid nor sweet nor juicy; yet it wants neither of these qualities, for it is in itself perfect. It produces no nausea or other bad effect, and the more you eat of it, the less you feel inclined to stop. In fat, to eat durians is a new sensation worth a voyage to the East to experience …as producing a food of the most exquisite flavour it is unsurpassed.”
Extracted from ‘On the Bamboo and Durian of Borneo’ by Alfred Russel Wallace (1856)
"Your breath will smell as if you'd been french-kissing your dead grandmother."
-Anthony Bourdain
Please note that Anthony Bourdain said that while finishing a whole fruit of Durian and doesn't seems to be the least reviled by it, in fact he said that it tasted good, making pleasure sounds ...while extolling the bad qualities of the fruit...dunno if I should hate or love that guy for that scene alone lol...it was on his 'Cook Tours' TV show.
***********
Simply put, its a fruit with hard thorny exterior and the most glorious flesh inside. And I couldn't find any words to describe the superiority of this fruit, the addictive quality of 'once is never enough' and the life changing experience this fruit brings...I'll just copy it from somewhere else :P
''...The initial pungent, onion-like aroma was definitely present in the taste, and for a moment overshadowed everything. But then, the horde of sweeter and more layered flavours nestled in the soft durian flesh rushed to the front. Berries, caramel, banana, buttered popcorn and roasted nuts all swirled together in a custard-like texture, while the underlying bitterness still remained. What had to be the strangest aspect of the whole experience was how quickly my initial revulsion gave way to intrigue: my curiosity had been piqued and I needed to go back for more to explore specific flavours I’d missed on the first go ’round. I quickly realised how one could come to appreciate durian in the way one does wine or scotch, always trying different varieties and seeking out particular notes.
More than anything, I was instantly overcome with the strength and power of the flavour, rather than the specific taste itself. I’ve never eaten anything that was so unapologetically strong. Tasting durian’s a little like being mauled by a bear: the bear’s certainly not going to give you any account of what it did or why, and so it’s up to you, in your battered condition, to try to piece the story together.."
********************
Durian is also known for its 'heating' nature. If you ate it too much, it can cause your body to overheat, sweating, nose bleed, and sometimes dizziness.And also its not to be mixed with few other consumables, like beer or sodas..especially within 5 -10 hours of consuming Durian. It could cause death.. Alcoholic and ppl with heart disease or few other serious ailment should stay away from this food, it could be deadly.
Some argue due to the danger caused by eating Durian, and the limitation that one have to face while eating this fruit (most limit themselves to eat only about 5 seeds of Durian to be on the safe side) made it a very
sought after delicacy...you know how people like to do something that is forbidden or dangerous :D
*************
CONCLUSION : Durian is the King of fruits!!
Monday, August 30, 2010
without feelings
Is being a robot without deeper feelings is better? Surviving each day without feeling worry, sadness, anxious, content, love, or being loved, deeper desire, needs, affections..nothing.
you'd feel happy, and angry or upset...but nothing in between. Is it better than needing someone, crying every night from the hurt they inflicted, thinking about million things that could happen, that did happen and shouldn't've happened? Questioning everything...questioning every words, every actions...Wondering why it happened, why things changed...and the worse thing is, they didnt even realized it...that person just don't see how much they're hurting you..when you tried to tell them, they belittled, they get offended, they lashed out, they think that you're blaming them, they think that you're purposely looking for way to make them feel guilty...disbelief, saying ''...how could you....how could you..''
Sitting here watching their situation dictate everything, sitting here saying 'ok..I understand' cos what else can you do? stop them? when they said 'I can't take this anymore!'..what can you say to that. The person can't be around you..should you stop them? begged them to endure it? to tolerate it? and just stay?...of course not, you have pride, you have dignity. why beg? its not as if you're a cheap trash, its not as if you don't have any value...you know you do, experience told you that, ppl told you that, their concern and their admiration told you that, their willingness told you that.
and yet.....and yet.....you sacrifice yourself..in hopes that people would treat you the same way you treated them...Fully believing the saying ' Treat Others As You Want Yourself To Be Treated'...giving all you got, within your ability..sometimes going beyond what you should or need to do...all the nice things in the world...giving all to them, putting them before yourself...and still they want more...still they expect more. You dont want 'thanks'..you dont want 'appreciation' ..you dont want 'gratitude'...you just want to be treated the same way...with at least a consideration, and tolerance and kindess and respect.
And so...you cry and cry..until you're amazed that you still have tears to cry...and cry even without realizing it...and then the tears dried up..not because it stopped...because you couldnt cry anymore...
And you decide...its not worth feeling anymore...you have a life to live...and so you put away everything, to keep your sanity......with years of practice, with years of abuse and hurt and loneliness and being manipulated...you've become good at it. It's your survival instinct along with your excellent sense of humor, its what kept you normal...
So you forget your feelings.....you're happier..superficial at least..heart is clearer..but empty.
you'd feel happy, and angry or upset...but nothing in between. Is it better than needing someone, crying every night from the hurt they inflicted, thinking about million things that could happen, that did happen and shouldn't've happened? Questioning everything...questioning every words, every actions...Wondering why it happened, why things changed...and the worse thing is, they didnt even realized it...that person just don't see how much they're hurting you..when you tried to tell them, they belittled, they get offended, they lashed out, they think that you're blaming them, they think that you're purposely looking for way to make them feel guilty...disbelief, saying ''...how could you....how could you..''
Sitting here watching their situation dictate everything, sitting here saying 'ok..I understand' cos what else can you do? stop them? when they said 'I can't take this anymore!'..what can you say to that. The person can't be around you..should you stop them? begged them to endure it? to tolerate it? and just stay?...of course not, you have pride, you have dignity. why beg? its not as if you're a cheap trash, its not as if you don't have any value...you know you do, experience told you that, ppl told you that, their concern and their admiration told you that, their willingness told you that.
and yet.....and yet.....you sacrifice yourself..in hopes that people would treat you the same way you treated them...Fully believing the saying ' Treat Others As You Want Yourself To Be Treated'...giving all you got, within your ability..sometimes going beyond what you should or need to do...all the nice things in the world...giving all to them, putting them before yourself...and still they want more...still they expect more. You dont want 'thanks'..you dont want 'appreciation' ..you dont want 'gratitude'...you just want to be treated the same way...with at least a consideration, and tolerance and kindess and respect.
And so...you cry and cry..until you're amazed that you still have tears to cry...and cry even without realizing it...and then the tears dried up..not because it stopped...because you couldnt cry anymore...
And you decide...its not worth feeling anymore...you have a life to live...and so you put away everything, to keep your sanity......with years of practice, with years of abuse and hurt and loneliness and being manipulated...you've become good at it. It's your survival instinct along with your excellent sense of humor, its what kept you normal...
So you forget your feelings.....you're happier..superficial at least..heart is clearer..but empty.
CONCLUSION: There is no conclusion
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